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Former first lady Michelle Obama said that "we have to pick leaders" who do not "rob" women of their "femininity," a topic that she writes about in her new book "The Look."
During an exclusive interview with MS NOW's Jonathan Capehart, the former first lady discussed two quotes from her book — both focused on how women are perceived by society — and what could be done to prevent those issues from continuing.
Capehart said, "You write this: ‘When you’re a woman in the public eye, you’re often reduced first and foremost to your physical appearance.’ You also write: ‘If someone wants to take something away from a woman, they will try to rob her of her femininity, her beauty.’ We have current examples of this right now aimed at female reporters."
MICHELLE OBAMA SAYS LEADERS ‘HANG ON TOO LONG’ IN AMERICA, ELDERS HAVE NOWHERE TO GO WITH DIGNITY
Former first lady Michelle Obama appears on MS NOW for an exclusive interview with Jonathan Capehart on Thursday, Dec. 18, 2025. (Screenshot/MS NOW)
The host continued, asking Obama, "Why does it persist? What will it take to shame folks into stopping what you describe there?"
"Look, we have to pick leaders that don’t do that, you know?" she replied, drawing cheers from the audience.
While conceding that she "can’t get into the minds of people who are cruel and mean," Obama said that empathy tells her that this cruelty "comes from a place of brokenness and insecurity," and that "at a certain stage in life, it is not fixable."
"The question that we have to ask ourselves is … why are we OK with it? You know, people are who they are. So, in the present day situation, we’re here because either we did do something stupid or we didn’t do anything," she argued. "And we’re all culpable in it."
The former first lady said that "as women and as black women and the men that we’re with," there needs to be a conversation to establish where men’s loyalties lie in relation to the women in their lives.
"We got to figure out, ‘Well, are you with us? Are you with you? Are you going to vote your interest? Are you going to vote our interest?’" she said. "These are all conversations that I think we need to be having — first within ourselves, which is why ‘The Look,’ to me, starts with us, right? Because people will call you out your name."
"As they say, ‘How it affects you starts with how we feel about ourselves,’" Obama added.
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Then-first lady Michelle Obama speaks during a visit to a Latin grocery store in Tampa, Fla., on Jan. 26, 2012. (Chris O'Meara/AP Photo)
When speaking about how she's personally handled being judged in the public spotlight, Obama said she had to "cut it off," because she knew what some people were saying wasn't "the truth of how most people felt about me."
The former first lady added that she "never wanted my image of this country to be clouded by a few mean people," saying she hopes the country can come together to help "young girls coming up to feel really good about every aspect of who they are" without worrying about being judged.
